why i turned off my instagram notifications.

I don’t need you to like me.

But that’s not true. I kinda do.

Just like it would kinda be false to say, “I don’t care about what people think of me.” Okay, I care SO much about what people think of me they should feel honored that I think about them so much (lol).

It’s hard because it’s not in an obvious way. It’s not like I compliment people every other sentence, massage the person sitting in front of me during class, or give gum to everyone whenever I take out a piece. I don’t smile all the tim…okay, I kind of smile a lot, except not so people will like me.

But I do check who likes my Instagram pictures.

Maybe not exactly who, but just to be sure there is a who.

And preferably many who’s.

My phone lights up *Instagram notification* Typing a text *Instagram notification* Watching a YouTube video *Instagram notification*

All notifying me that I am, indeed, ‘liked’. That’s not so much the problem though.

It’s when I don’t get notified. Or when I don’t see a lot of likes. Why does it feel like rejection? Why does not being ‘liked’ online automatically equate to being disliked in real life?

I turned off my Instagram notifications because I don’t want to be liked anymore.

I really just want to be loved.

And to post what I love and not need it to be liked.

So that even if it only got one like and that like was mine, I would still post it.

I turned off my Instagram notifications because I shouldn’t need Instagram to tell me I am liked.

I really should open my Bible for that instead of an app.

And lately, I’ve spent more time refreshing my Instagram feed than refreshing my identity with the One who tells me I am #worthy—not #instaworthy.

I turned off my Instagram notifications because I need to like myself too.

I’m really bad at that. I think that’s why I want others to like me: to show me that I can be.

But I want to like me too.

And for no other reason than that God also likes me.

So I suppose in the end, what I really need is God to give me a like or two.

But I’m in luck because He always does. (And He’s always the first one).

All the love,

Molly

“We, though, are going to love—love and be loved. First we were loved, now we love. He loved us first.” 1 John 4:19 msg